


you want to do WHAT with his legs?!

by FoolynePropaganda



Category: The Transformers (IDW Generation One), Transformers - All Media Types
Genre: /j/j/j/j/j, Crack, Fluff and Crack, Gen, M/M, Suggestive Themes, allophobia, asexual starscream, implied but it's MY hc and i choose to tag it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-25
Updated: 2020-04-25
Packaged: 2021-03-02 00:28:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,321
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23836147
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FoolynePropaganda/pseuds/FoolynePropaganda
Summary: Starscream is made uncomfortable after he finds out his very secret crossfaction boyfriend is considered quite the macho amongst Con ranks.
Relationships: Optimus Prime/Starscream
Comments: 5
Kudos: 74





	you want to do WHAT with his legs?!

**Author's Note:**

> i spent entirely too much time overthinking that one panel where prowl imagines playboy sexy optimus praising him. you know the one.
> 
> also im kinda tired of seekers being sexualized in fics. equality, people! grounders can be sluts too!

“Fragging Hell!” Starscream growled, jumping out of his hideout to grab and pull Skywarp away from the dense crossfire. His trinemate seemed almost dazed and for a moment Starscream feared he’d been hit in the processor. He ducked even lower against the rock, trying to ignore the fizzing of lasers and bullets littering the battlefield behind them. His role in this battle was over, Seekers didn’t have the armor to withstand such barrage, and thus the plan was to hide after the initial bombing. As far as the Air Commander was concerned, his part of the deal was done. Everything else today relied on how well Mr Buckethead would lead the attack, which, Starscream had no doubt, would turn out as awfully for the Cons as it always did.

Starscream sent out a quick comm ping to all withstanding Seekers and found that, luckily, there had been no loss or heavy damage. Aside from Skywarp, he noted, as a good portion of the purple jet’s arm plating had been scraped off clean. That was going to leave a couple of weld marks. Either way.

“What in the damn PIT were you thinking? Where is your damn helm, Skywarp?!” he hissed.

“Star, Primus, you just absolutely had to see that, you are such a mo-o-o-oron”, Skywarp went off in a very dreamy, droll voice. Even for his usual idiocy it was going a bit too far.

The Air Commander frowned. “What is it, Skywarp, exactly that I wanted to see?”

The teleporter turned to him, a sly grin showing off all of the jet’s dentae. His optics reset, slowly, one after the other, and the red Seeker responded by giving him a sound smack on the side of the helm. Skywarp yelped as he was jolted back into sobriety.

“WHAT THE FRAG WAS THAT FOR?!”

“Soldier, _you will tell me what you just saw there that made you even more of a cretin than normal, or I will personally make sure you never achieve such high processor function again_. ARE WE CLEAR?!”

Skywarp cringed away from the scolding. “Yes, yes, for the love of Primus! Just stop grating my ears!”

Starscream sat back, having not even realized how tense this entire ordeal was making him until now. He raised an eye-ridge. “So?”

The purple jet squirmed, a flush of energon and an unsuccessfully suppressed smirk gracing his faceplates once again. He bit his lip, and his servos started fidgeting.

“Well… you know… Someone cracked a liquid energon cube against the big guy, and the way it just… smeared and dripped down his plating… how it collected in his joints and mixed with the drops of condensation on his armor… it Does Things To Me, you know?”

“The “big guy”?”

Skywarp pouted. “Don’t make me say the name, wow… Optimus.”

Starscream would later go on to believe that the expression he had made in that moment was the furthest possible exertion of his facial connective tissue in any living Cybetronian. All the little wires and mechamucles under his derma uniting together to form an expression halfway somewhere between confusion and disgust.

Confusion was self explanatory. The second one?

Suffice to say that he’d been seeing the mech in question in less-so platonic ways for the better part of the year.

“Skywarp”, he breathed, exasperated, “I do not, in fact, have any idea about what you are talking about, and I find it hard to believe anyone would find such a sight appealing in any way.”

The purple jet rolled his eyes. “Star, everyone here thinks that. You’re just entirely too stuck up to even join us in on the conversations.” He leaned in towards his commander, nearly touching helms by the time he spoke again. “Would you like to know what the Constructicons have to say about your red hot piece of ass?”

Starscream jerked away, pushing Skywarp from himself so hard that he fell back flat on the ground.

“I am _not_ interested in knowing that, _at all,_ and I will completely ignore the advances you just implied for your own good, soldier.”

Skywarp laughed heartily on the ground, not even minding his position. “You can ask the others if you want. It’s not like we have to do anything better here.”

The Air Commander huffed. “Fine!” He opened his comm link to contact the rest of his colleagues who were resting away from the conflict.

“Decepticons, Skywarp and I are in the midst of an argument and I was asked to pose a query to all of you, to test the validity of his position."

He vented in.

“Is Optimus Prime… physically appealing?”

The replies came in with such density and speed that Starscream felt as if his helm was a shooting target.

“Oh, Primus, yes!”

“Sir, have you seen those pecs?!”

“I heard he plows like a beast…”

“It’s a known fact matrix bearers are freaks, sir!”

“Imagine that voice talking to you, ugh!”

“He could step on me and I’d thank him.”

“Soundwave: wants his head crushed between those thighs like a watermelon.”

Starscream felt his processor glitch.

“ ** _ **WHAT.**_** ”

* * *

Optimus looked up as the familiar sound of his mate’s engines pierced the air, echoing through the canyon louder and louder. The Seeker transformed, gracefully balancing himself on the ground before taking stride towards the Prime with a… eh… not a very pleased expression on his face.

“Star, what is-”

“Sit”, the Seeker ordered briskly, pushing at Optimus’ shoulders. It was somewhat comical considering the height difference and just how oddly determined Starscream looked. Optimus, though, didn’t bother to question him, and he took a few steps back to the nearest rock he could place himself on.

He took a glance at the Seeker who still stood in front of him, tense as a string. Though a better observation told him what his dark face gave away wasn’t anger, barely even frustration.

Starscream was _flustered_.

“What is the meaning of this, exactly?” Optimus phrased carefully.

The Seeker shook his head wordlessly. He moved in closer to the Prime, kneeling in front of him and laying his head on the edge of the rock, just between the truck’s knee joints which at this position touched the sides of his helm. After a few moments of awkward silence, a heavy gust of air escaped his vents and he swayed back, disappointed.

Optimus, on his part, was utterly puzzled. “Starscream?”

“Do you remember the battle a few days ago?” he said, his optics aimed somewhere else.

The Prime was thrown off by such an apparent non-sequitur. “I… Yes? What happened?”

A package of information appeared in his comm center. Optimus re-calibrated his processing unit which was flooded with questions to focus on the task at hand. He opened the file only to realize it was a comm link chat log between Starscream and…oh.

_Oh._

Well, fragging Primus on a pogo stick.

Optimus was suddenly dizzy with the rush of energon to his helm and faceplates.

“Star…wh… what…”, a pause, “Soundwave??”

Starscream nodded solemnly.

The Prime rested his head in his servo, tapping the empty spot beside him on the rock. Starscream took the invitation.

“What in the Pit.”

“Yep.”

“...Are you…mad? Jealous?”

“Not really. Perhaps the latter. A bit.”

An uncomfortable chuckle formed in Optimus’ voice box. “I guess that’s understandable.”

The Seeker leaned on the truck-former, putting an arm across his back. “I didn’t like it that they got to talk about you like that. And it also confused me.”

The Prime mirrored the gesture, somewhat surprised but pleased at the show of protectiveness. “Neither would I. I’m… quite shaken, to be honest.”

“Guess I should consider myself lucky, considering everything, then.”

Optimus smiled. “I’ll never think of terrestrial fruit the same way.”

“We seem to just have to keep you away from liquid substances in the foreseeable future.”

Their grip on each other's waist tightened as they laughed.


End file.
